This is a transcribed copy of Episode 1. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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Trisha: Well, then, I was all like "no," and then you were like, "you are!" And then he was all like, "No, but then you are!" And I was all like, "I kind of am." So long story short he's kind of my boyfriend right now.
Mackenzie: I am so pretty.
Trisha: You really are! Is there like cheer practice today?
Deandra walks in, both look at her.
Mackenzie: Um... Excuse me?
Trisha: Hello?
Deandra: (looks at them) What?
Mackenzie: Who the fuck are you?
Deandra: Who the fuck are you?
Mackenzie: I asked you first.
Deandra: I asked you second.
Trisha: Ah! Ah! She's Mackenzie Zales! Duh. Head Cheerleader! Homecomming Queen! Part-time model.
Deandra: Oh.
Mackenzie: Who the fuck are you?!
Deandra: I'm Deandra. I'm new.
Mackenzie: Who the fuck let you in here?
Mackenzie: Ashley who?
Deandra: Ashley Katchadorian.
Trisha: Ashley Katchadorian isn't even in charge of the door!
Mackenzie: So, Deandra let me tell you how things work here—
Deandra: I already know how things work around here.
Trisha: Ashley Katchadorian is in charge of the snacks! Why is she letting people inside of the door?! 
Mackenzie: This is my bathroom. This is my school. And this is me telling you that you need to learn your place.
Deandra: Guess what? I already know all those things.
Mackenzie: Oh really?
Deandra: Yeah.
TrishaJenna Darabond is in charge of the door! What the fuck is she doing letting Ashley Katchadorian let people in? (leaves)
Mackenzie: You're not from around here are you, Deandra?
Deandra: I just transferred from Atchison.
Mackenzie: Where the fuck is that?
Deandra: North of Topeka, west of the 71!
Mackenzie: Well, let me tell you how things work around here in Overland Park!
Deandra: I already know how things work around here in Overland Park!
Mackenzie: Really?
Deandra: Yeah. Steven Carmichael told me all about it.
Trisha: (returns) Is Jenna Darabond sick? Does she have mono? ... I feel like her dad might have died.
Mackenzie: What the fuck are you doing talking to Steven Carmichael?
Deandra: We have Algebra II together.
Mackenzie: That's my fucking boyfriend, bitch.
Deandra: Oh really? That's not what Shay Van Buren said.
Mackenzie: Well, Shay Van Buren is a fucking liar!
Deandra: She seemed to know a lot about you and Justin Michaelson.
Mackenzie: Okay, Deandra, just what the fuck do you want?
Deandra: I want to poop here. Whenever I want... for as long as I want.
Mackenzie: Fine. But know this. I do not like you.
Deandra: I feel indifferent towards you.
Mackenzie: I'll be watching you....
Deandra: I'm going to poop now.
Trisha: Wait, Jenna Dapananian's dad is sick. Jenna Darabond's dad is a senator! Duh Trisha! 
(Deandra goes into stall and loudly defecates)
Deandra: Owned. Have fun smelling my poops, bitches! (leaves)