This is a transcribed copy of Episode 2. Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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Blaine: So then he was like, "Give me a lap!" And then I was all like, "Hey coach, why don't you give me a lap?" And then he was all like, "You know what Blaine? I respect you."
Brittnay: Was it slutty of me that I gave you a handjob last night?
(Saison walks over)
Saison: Hello Blaine, hello Brittany.
Brittnay: Hello Saison Margeurite.
Saison: Eh Brittany, do you have an extra, how do you say, "hair tie"?
Brittnay: Why do you say "how do you say" before words you clearly know how to say? Jennifer McMinnimen says you're not even from France. You're from Montreal.
Saison: Blaine, I saw you in your American football game on Friday. You were magnifique!
Blaine: Oh, actually, that was Tanner Christiansen. He's first on the depth chart. i'm second string.
Brittnay: Stop trying to change the subject Saison Margeurite!
Saison: What subject?
Brittnay: The subject that you are not from France, but instead you're from Montreal!
Saison: This is not true. Jennifer McMinnimen cannot be trusted.
Brittnay: Actually, Jennifer MicMinnimen hasn't told a lie since the third grade, so um, yeah, she can be trusted, you idiot.
(Saison walks away)
Brittnay: (scoffs) She's so from Montreal.
Blaine: Hey, if it's okay, do you think you could give me another handjob tonight?
Brittnay: Ugh, I guess.
Blaine: Aw sweet!
Brittnay: But in exchange for that, you have to watch a whole episode of Glee with me. Yay Glee!
(Saison comes back over)
Saison: I just realized I came over here to get my chemistry book, and then I never got it, so I came back to get it, how do you say, "now".
Brittnay: Now? That's exactly how you say "now", Saison Margeurite. Which you clearly know how to say because you just said it. So don't say "how do you say" before shit you clearly know how to say!
Saison: Okay.
(Saison and Blaine giggle)
Brittnay: Everyone knows you're from Montreal.
Saison: I should go to chemistry class, because now I have my book.
(Saison walks away)
Brittnay: God I hate her so much.
Blaine: Oh, hey. If I watch an episode of Glee, and an episode of Gossip Girl, can I get a blowjob instead?
Brittnay: What? That's not even a fair trade! You like Gossip Girl!
Blaine: What? Huh? That's not true!
Brittnay: Yes it is. The only person who likes Gossip Girl more than you is fucking Rachel Tice.
(Rachel Tice comes walking through the hallway)
Rachel: Lalala, I love Gossip Girl soooo much.
Brittnay: Nobody's fucking talking about Gossip Girl, Rachel Tice! Why don't you go eat a roly poly like you did in the goddamn third grade?
(Rachel walks off, crying)
Brittnay: Shut the fuck up, Rachel Tice!
Blaine: Hey, um, Gossip Girl is a good show.
Brittnay: You are not my boyfriend anymore.
(Saison comes walking in again)
Saison: I thought that it was third period, so I got my chemistry book out of my locker. But then when I got to chemistry class, and Mr. Reynoso said to me, "Saison Margeurite, it is not third period, but rather second period." So now I have returned to my locker to retrieve my algebra two, how do you say, "book"?
Brittnay: (whisper) God I wanna fucking murder you.
Blaine: Hey, Saison, do you want to go out on a date?
Brittnay: What?
Saison: Oh, are you suggesting a, how do you say, "ménage à trois"?
Brittnay: Really? You're really asking how to say "ménage à trois"? It's a fucking French word you little bitch!
Blaine: Actually, it would be a "ménage à two".
(Blaine and Saison laugh)
Blaine: Brittnay just broke up with me.
Saison: Oh, you know Blaine, my people know very much about suffering.
Brittnay: Oh, and what people are that? "Montrealeans"?
Saison: No, the people that invented the French kiss.
(Saison and Blaine make out passionately)
Saison: (while making out) Oui, oui, oui. No, no! Oui, oui, oh, Napoleon! Oui, oui, stop.
(Saison and Blaine stop kissing)
Saison: Bet that was better than some second-rate handjob.
Brittnay: Who the fuck said my handjobs were second-rate?
Saison: Oh, I dunno, everyone from Wichita to Lenexa. You know, Jamaal Budapest, DeAndre McGee, Shaquille Von Trapp, Connor Devarnan
Brittnay: Connor Devarnan said my handjobs are second rate? Oh, when I get through with that piece of shit, he's gonna wish his parents went through with that move to St. Louis!
(Saison and Blaine make out again)
Saison: (while making out) Oh, oh no! Stop.... Go. Oh, you are naughty.
(Blaine giggles)
Saison: (while making out) Stop.
(Blaine and Saison stop making out)
Brittnay: And for the record, Saison Margeurite, I do not just give handjobs. I also let boys fuck me in my butthole, okay? Not my growler, but my butthole. Because I am saving my virginity for someone special. And that's not you Blaine.
(Brittnay walks away)
Blaine: What the fuck is a growler?